30 days of truth ~ Day 20 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Well ....

I have personally never done drugs. What?! You ask. No ... never, so to have an official opinion from experience, I've got none. I think they are a bad idea and bad for you.

Alcohol on the other hand ... fine on occasion. It can be overdone. I dislike intensely alcoholics and even more intensely those that drink and drive. I don't feel the need to dwell on this subject any more than that. I think you get my point.

Task Complete!

I completed 1 task in my 101 in 1001 list! GO ME!! It's only day 01!!! WOOOOO. Pretty happy about that ;)


Alright, all joking aside, completing the list is an important step. I'm thinking I may have wanted to organize it differently. I'm a little worried about forgetting my weekly/monthly tasks. I suppose a good way to remember will be to read my list every day.

Also, I'm still working the kinks out of goals # 100 and # 101 :


100. Put 10$ for every goal completed in a savings account for the kids and 1$ for every failed goal. (Not for everyday not completed just the goal 1$ per goal)
101. Donate 1$ for every goal incomplete/failed to a charity of my choice. This means every day I don't do a weekly task (ie # 43 Yoga twice a week. If I miss once then I put in a 1$) If I choose to discontinue a task I must pay for all the incomplete days involved with that particular task. (ie yoga 286 times = 286$ or 1$ for every day I don't want to do it)

I figure if I'm working to put money IN the kids accounts I'll try harder to complete tasks. Whereas if it's for charity (although I like charity) then I'll try to avoid dumping all my money there. Does that make any logical sense at all??

Task completed : # 1 Make List (Although this list is still getting tweaked wording wise, it is, nonetheless, complete)

My camera grew legs!

 Last night while chatting with a cousin of mine on facebook, I started going through pictures on my camera. I always have some rather amusing things on there from horsing around or trying to self-portrait and I was lacking inspiration for my blog after a rather tiresome debate about the educational no-fail system. I came across these interesting photos ....

Giraffe - Sophie

Shrek

collage of camera feet

collage of camera fingers

movies

I have to admit, they ARE pretty decent for a 2 year old.

Edit : Also, look what I did with photoshop!!! (see above pictures/collages) ;)

30 days of truth ~ Day 19 - What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

What do I think of religion? Or politics? I'll do both.

Religion : I often talk myself in circles when it comes to religion. In order to better comprehend the Bible/my religion I've joined a Bible study : Through our Eyes.  I have tons of questions about religion. Should I have faith? Should I just blindly hope? I do know one thing ... people who quote scripture at me drive me insane! I'm so happy that you have found your place ... or did you? Are you just quoting it out of insecurity ... so it's not forgotten? I actually enjoy going to church (not that I've gone lately). It's nice and quiet, the music is peaceful and the lesson is valid whether you are religious or not. I don't like the thought of having to ultimately 'worship' someone. I really dislike the thought of God being 'all forgiving' and this only because of pedophiles, murderers ... I mean I'm guessing most of them don't believe in God, but those that do and last minute ask forgiveness ... then what ... they're forgiven? It's probably more complicated than that, which is why I'm doing this Bible Study.

Politics : Holy smoly. Politicians. Aren't they a piece of work. We all criticize (Corey especially ;) we're all unhappy ... and it seems that literally no one is happy unless they get money. It doesn't matter who's in charge, everyone thinks they should get money for their programs. I think we need to start at the beginning. Maternity care. Schools. Medical. I also think everybody should pay taxes. I think if you commit a crime you should have to pay for it.

Interesting fact : I also think that after a certain age, people should be REQUIRED to retake their driver's test every 5 years.

I could go on for a long time about both subjects, but I'm saving my creative energy for when I get to blog about my little niece's birth story. :)

11 rules your kids did not and will not learn in school

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a sports car until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you
save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I had this on my other blog and moved it here because it's SO true. FYI I didn't write this one. I got it from a friend who found it somewhere else :)

30 days of truth ~ Day 18 - Your views on gay marriage.

I think marriage is marriage. That's it. I mean back in the day no one said anything about a 30 year old marrying a 13 year old. In my, not always humble, opinion at least gay people are going into marriage willingly.

I do agree, however, that whatever church they are trying to get married in has certain rules. Just like having to be a certain height to go on a ride. BUT on the other hand, isn't God supposed to love everyone?? Isn't it immature to compare being 'allowed' to marry to an amusement ride? Probably.

Who are we to say ... that THEIR marriage is a no-no, but we will celebrate with champagne when that young couple gets married. Only to find out later that he's beating her every chance he gets.

What IS wrong with gay marriage? I don't get it. Is it the word? Does someone have a copyright on the word married? Why is it such a big deal? I'm honestly just ... dumbfounded. I mean don't we have more important things to worry about? Like our environment? Shouldn't we worry about how much longer we can live on the planet before we even think of worrying who we're living with? Or who they're living with?

Our justice system needs a revamping before we start getting all worked up about gay marriage.

And our maternity care system. If you want to get all worked up about something. I vote maternity care in Canada. Definitely needs to be revamped. By the time we're done fixing our justice system and our maternity care system ... nobody will care about who's marrying who.

30 days of truth ~ Day 16 - Someone you definitely could live without.

What?! How did I miss this day??? How lame is that?!! Lame I tell you.

I could live without ... angry and bitter, know it all labor and delivery nurses. I don't want them to die, not that kind of living without them ... I just want them to go away.

Why are they so angry? I mean, I'm sure they have whatever reasons, but why take it out on patients??

I'm not here to make YOUR life easier by complying to a million interventions that I will have to pay for ... the rest of my life. Wow. Look I even brought my own support team. You really don't know what's best for me. I'm sorry that because I don't want an epidural I'm going to vocalize through my contractions and that disturbs your lunch. Well, actually I'm not sorry, get a new career. IF you don't have faith in my body, go somewhere else, because I have faith in my body.

That is all.

Disclaimer ;) I am more than aware that not all L&D nurses are like this. You will note, I was pretty specific up at the top.

That was like the lamest little rant I've ever done. Lame.

Pregnancy Rage (it's like road rage ... but worse)

Anyone who's had a kid knows what I'm talking about. Anyone who's ever met a pregnant woman ... knows what I'm talking about. The rest are oblivious.

As a woman nears the end of her pregnancy, she begins to get anxious and excited to meet her new bundle. As her date gets closer and sometimes goes by friends, family and random strangers can't help but say helpful things. You know ... like someone not paying attention to a four way stop and blowing the stop sign. If you don't get hit, you're still in line for some road rage (especially if you're old and you blow the stop sign near the Saskatoon/St. Louis junction and I nearly hit you. I will road rage myself all over your ass!!!! Did you just give ME the finger!!! That was a STOP sign you BLATHERING moron!!!! (Absolutely insane tirade here with some nice elevator background music)) Onward.

Interesting fact : Blathering ... is a word.

What WAS I talking about ... oh yes. Pregnancy Rage. Here let me give you a few examples of what a pregnant woman is thinking when you ask/tell her an absolutely redundant question/statement. And by pregnant woman I mean Gayle. Probably anyways.

Ahem.

1. Wow! Are you ever big!!

• Thanks! And look at you!! When are YOU expecting for??

2. Did you have your baby yet?

• Yes. She's in my purse. You know ... like a chihuahua. 
• ......... what baby?
• OMG. I didn't even know you WERE expecting. Congrats!! You must be close too!

3.  Are you sure there isn't two in there??

• I'm actually having puppies

4. Man, you've been pregnant for ever!!

• I'm actually ... an elephant! SURPRISE!

5. How are you feeling?

• Fantastic!!!!! I just got back from an orgy!!
• Well ... if you must know ... I have a back ache, a front ache, a leg ache, an arm ache, a head ache, an eyelash ache, a toothache, a vagina ache and the worst of the worst ... I can't see reach around to wipe myself because I'm so big. 

6. Make sure you get lots of sleep now before baby gets here!

• Wait. You mean ... when the baby gets here I won't be sleeping??!!

7. Wow you look so tired ...

• You look like Mimi off the Drew Carey show.
• I don't know why ... I take tons of drugs and alcohol before bed. Knocks me right out.

8. You don't look pregnant at all

• It's because I only eat water
• I'm not. Just fat and reaping the benefits of pregnancy.

9.  Say goodbye to your free time

• Well. I was spending it with you before so ... really ... this is a step up.

10. Drink LOTS of water

• OH!!! I thought I was supposed to DRINK lots of water.
• Well of course, what do you think I made my coffee with

11. Say goodbye to clean clothes

• You won't mind if I wipe my hands on your shirt then? I don't want my clothes to get dirty before their time.

12. Who's your doctor?

• Dr. Seuss
• .... what doctor

13. You're not supposed to eat for two you know ...

• .... so what's your excuse.
• good thing I'm eating for 5

14. Let me know as SOON as you have your baby ...

• RIGHT after I let Cat in the Hat know.
• Don't worry, I'll have a live feed to facebook ... you can watch the baby come out of my vagina ... in fact all of facebook can watch.

15. So anything yet? Contractions anything?

• There is no way in the world I could possibly be talking to you if I thought I might be in labor. The baby might get scared and change her mind.
• Yes. Diarrhea. Lots and lots of diarrhea. And gas. WOOOOO can you smell that??!!
  

So. Just a head's up about what to expect when you ask a pregnant woman ... any of the above questions ... you know ... I was NOT like that of course. 

101 things to do in 1001 days

I am very excited about this. I got some great ideas from ... well mostly Eileen ;), stole a few from Yvonne, osmosed (this means I read your mind (no it's not an actual word))  a few from Jacquie and Dorothy. I realize it doesn't REALLY cover all the bases on the website (101 in 1001 days), but it does say to pick things that come to mind. These are things I really WANT to get done, so I'll be more likely to do them, right? Plus, the money goes to a great cause (my kids and charity).

I plan on keeping two jars and putting the money in immediately after I finish/complete a task or as soon as it becomes impossible to complete one and it's deemed fail. Then as able, transfer money to where it belongs (Amelie and Will's accounts, or pick a charity, depending on the case)

If anybody sees a task they can help with, or have an idea of how to go about it, I'm absolutely open to ideas! I want to have fun, get things done and feel better. A little organization never hurts and it sure makes a person feel good to have a list that you can scratch things off of. I got this idea of Yvonne (future sis-in-law) thanks Yvonne!!!

Here is a quick link to the list: 101 in 1001 days Corinne's List  and it's also tabbed up at the top of my blog.

Why does my laundry set hate me?

I take pretty good care of these precious appliances in my home. Perhaps the cold draft from outside every time someone steps into the house makes them grumpy. Maybe having to sit soclose to each other, gets under their skin. I'm pretty sure that Corey piling all his crap on top doesn't help either, but whatever the reason, my washing machine and dryer hate me. Here's the proof. 

1. It doesn't matter what setting I use nor the temperature of the water ... my clothes will shrink. As soon as the door on the dryer opens, they shrink some more.

2. My washing machine randomly doesn't rinse/drain properly so that my clothes weigh about 5 tonnes and when I try to re-spin them, it protests like a fat man being put on a diet.

3. My fabric softener section on my washing machine is clogged. With fabric softener.

4. My dryer lost the knob to turn and pick a setting pretty much the day we bought it. I have no idea on what setting I've been drying my clothes for the past 7 years.

5. My dryer likes to get things stuck in the drum, even if it's a normal, healthy looking towel ... and then rip it to shreds.

6. My washing machine sounds like a jet plane taking off .... and crash landing.

7. My dryer likes to dry things. Twice. Or more.

8. My dryer is better than mom's dryer which doesn't stop. Ever. Until it's done. Even if you open the door, it's still drying clothes and swirling them around so you have to play catch the clothes.

9. When Corey put my washing machine back together ... we were missing one washer ... and had one extra bolt ... hmmm...

10. No matter what I use in the dryer, Norwex balls, static cling, fabric softener ... I get the most static, shocking clothing ever.

Nothing is easy around here. Sigh.

30 days of truth ~Day 17 - A book you've read that changed your views on something.

Well, in all honesty, lots of books. To say that one book altered my entire thought process would be difficult. Well, that's not entirely true. There is one book that absolutely pissed me off. It's called the Velvet Promise by Jude Deveraux.

It's actually one of my favorites because it evoked such a strong reaction from me. It's the story of a young woman being forced to marry some strapping guy. You know the typical romance novel smut. It's their wedding and they are just ... pretty happy to be together. Of course drama happens and that wedding night he just takes her, you know, doing his duty, what's best for everyone deal. That. ... that dis-empowerment of a woman, infuriates me. And THEN he thinks it's just going to be all better by saying ... 'oh, I didn't realize ... I'm sorry'. Of course, she's all resistant and then just melts ... pfffff. Whatever, but regardless she turns the tables on him and is super smart. I just like her.

How did this change my thought you ask? Well ... this was probably the beginning of the beginning. It clicked something inside about how I'm special. I deserve respect. It initiated the very early beginnings of my need to birth quietly, and privately. I read this in my late teen years and I was already hearing the whispers of what was happening in hospitals (especially my local one). It made me uncomfortable and I remember asking questions here and there ... then when I did my research and now it makes sense.

30 days of truth ~ Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

Hmmmm. Well ... probably not a someone because I haven't 'not' lived with them. AS in they haven't left me.

My blog. I can't live without it. Okay I could physically live without it, but I would be sad. Well. I suppose I could cope and type in Microsoft Word or something. Forget handwriting, holy crap that would take too long. So old school.

I really enjoy my blog. You know what. Stop the press. I know. I know exactly what I can't live without!!!

My piano. Cry. I. miss. my. piano.

It's at mom's house. I miss my piano like I would miss oxygen. I REALLY miss it. I am living without it. I've been miserable without it. I used to play a lot. And now, when I go to the farm, I get to dabble here and there, nothing exciting and I'm rusty. Maybe that's why I like to type so much. My fingers like dancing across the keyboard? Sigh. MAJOR sigh. I miss it so much.

When we build our new house, mom said I can have it. Technically it's not my piano, it's her piano, but let's be honest, I will play it more than she does. I'm just a few years ... 5 years at most hopefully.

I really miss it. Alright I COULD live without it, but look how cranky it makes me!!!

30 days of truth ~ Day 14 - A hero that has let you down (letter)

Oooooh. Okay. I wrote a letter in December with full intentions of reading it out loud. I got cold feet. Or distracted. Here is a new letter.

Dear Hero that has let me down,

When we first met, you were the right kind of push for me. I stood on the edge of something great and just that nudge sent me into a place I always wanted to be. My confidence grew by leaps and bounds. I could do things that others couldn't. I was amazing. It spread into my school work (which went from great to better) and even as I grew older I came to you for advice.

When I needed help to solve a problem, I could talk to you. You were logical. You made sense. It didn't matter when I called or who answered, I could get help. I learned new things, exciting things and I helped to start a great project. Through each hurdle and each 'big plunge' you were there. Part of my family. I trusted you and took great pride in being trusted by you. You believed in me and I believed in you. We were a good pair.

It's no longer like that anymore is it?

I see things with new eyes. There's no trust. My confidence was shaken in that area and for help I go elsewhere. I turn my head in disappointment. My heart is broken and I'm left grasping for excuses. There are none. Absolutely none. This wasn't my choice, the blame isn't mine, it's out of my hands.

I'm confident on my own now, but I miss knowing you were backing me. Now, it's luck of the draw when I glance back. When I need to turn to someone for advice, it isn't you I turn to. Even when you offer it, it's tainted, untrustworthy and childish. Hugs I gladly gave, and tears of joy that fell, now I'm cold and unmoved, no matter what words you use. The blessings I looked forward to at each family gathering, are now long and pointless.

   The point is, I miss you. I'm not the only one. I'm just one of many who miss talking to you, doing things with you, most of all being able to laugh with you. Your jokes aren't funny anymore. I used to defend you, now I walk away, knowing I can't win the argument. I've grown tired and afraid. You're unpredictable. I like control and organization. I don't trust your judgment or advice.  I've grown edgy and nervous around you. I try to act calm, and nonchalant ... on the inside I'm grinding my teeth.

   Maybe you don't realize the consequences of your actions. The positions you put all of us in. Maybe ... you don't care? That can't be true. I tell myself it isn't. If I didn't care ... if I thought you were just wasting my time. A loser. I wouldn't write this letter. I wouldn't post it on my blog. I wouldn't have another letter, saved in my email, waiting for the 'right' time. There will never be a right time, but now there's no one to give me that nudge. Everyone else is 'defensive', you were always 'offensive'. IF I needed to be offensive ... I could go to you. I knew you would put it into perspective for me. Now it's you who is defensive, and not in a good way.
   
Saying any of this to your face ... it's unreal to me. It's impossible. The slightest mention of disaccord or disapproval sends you on a spewing rampage of unrelated topics. Maybe you'll read this, maybe you'll make an excuse and not read it.

I'm disappointed. I'm hurt. I'm worried. I'm confused. I'm hopeful.

I can't make your move. You have to make it. It'll be the hardest thing you do. So I've been told.

You should know, I want to help. I want to help. I can make sacrifices. They won't be sacrifices if it helps you.

Aren't I worth it? You always said I was.

And by I ... I mean we ... and by we I mean your family.

We miss you.

We're waiting

We love you

I love you.

Love,
Me.

  

30 days of truth ~Day 13 - A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)

Dear Christmas music,

I love you. You make winter bearable (because I listen to you all winter). You make the Christmas season more festive and fun. You are also less depressing than other music and you don't talk about disco sticks, big butts or prostitutes. You cheer me up when I'm feeling down.

You also remind me what Christmas is about. Love. Family. Jesus' birth. Cookies. Hot chocolate. Christmas Trees. Sexy Santa. All those good things.

But most of all Christmas music, you can fill my CD player and NOT be the same artist. And. You annoy the hell out of my husband, more than I will ever be able to accomplish. Oh Christmas music, I adore you.

Love Corinne

Scrapbooking 1

Scrapbooking. An art I should be good at with all my artsy bones and problem solving skills. But ... here is a photo essay of my efforts.

My scrapbook page

ME! At my scrapbooking table.

Scrapbook page that took me 8 hours to make. Lame.

Actually touching my scrapbook page.

Realizing I need to get my eyebrows waxed and my hair colored again.

30 days of truth ~ Day 12 - Something you never get compliments on.

My problem solving abilities.

I love problem solving. It's like ... real life editing. OMGIwanttosolveyourproblem.

Not therapy problems. Lame. I have no empathy. Or ... is it sympathy? Wait, I think I have lots of empathy, but sympathy ... less. Wait a minute while I google this.

(one minute later)

Ah yes. Turns out I may lack both. Wow, that's too bad. Of course, it may be cleverly disguised as something else. Back to problem solving.

Sidenote : I like instructions that come with something I buy, but regardless I can put it together.

There are so many examples I can give about my problem solving abilities. Trying to heard horses, trying to escape horses, trying to herd AND escape horses. Organizing people and files. Budgets. I love budgets (alright I'll admit sometimes I get lazy on mine, but other people's budgets, awesome.) My dream job was working at the office in Bellevue. I was in charge of these accounts and .... Heaven music .... I was able to problem solve it until I had a ROCKING system going. My boss will attest to that I'm sure. Also. Math problems. I love the new math books. Love math problems. I love math and problems and math problems. I'm good at finding solutions for things or ways around them, sometimes the solution is just harder than the effort someone is willing to give, therefore, it remains a problem. I still solved it.

Interesting fact : I can problem solve anything ... except food. The concept of solving food ... ie making it less spicy or more spicy, juicy or thick ... totally beyond me.

Nobody really recognizes this talent of mine. Except my ex-boss who pointed it out to me when I was working and once afterward when we were done there. Of course, now that you all know about it, I'll  be asked to perform and will just stare at you with ... empathy and/or sympathy.

Mooooooooooooooo

William hates me.

He slept for 7 hours straight last night. Yup. And the night before. 5 hours straight. Who does he think he is?!! My boobs were going to assassinate me. I almost DIED from milk overload!!! (Mayhaps a teeny exaggeration)

Finally I got up at 6:30 and ran to check on him because I thought: Oh no. But he was snoring so all was well. Then I waited all of 30 seconds before deciding that I was manually expressing this milk out.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. That milk started filling the measuring cup (I like to know exactly what I'm expressing) and soon I  had 2 ounces. I rubbed the breast, still painful so kept going. I kept going until I was barely getting a spray ... and then ... milk let-down reflex. Oh. mah. gawd. HAHAHA 10 ounces LATER!!! Go ME!!! Alright maybe 1 ounce of it is from the other side because it wasn't as huge, but it was getting there.

I know right?!! 10 ounces!!! (9) Like... AWESOME!!! AND even when Will did get up some 30 minutes later, plenty of milk left for him.

But this did raise some concern as to how I'm going to survive Gayle's labor. Unless she only has a 5 hours labor. (shrug) WOULD be convenient you know.

Then. While I was milking ... I was watching the clock and wondering why Corey wasn't gone fishing yet. So when I was done I went to the bedroom and asked him when he was leaving ... you know ... rudely and all so he would get up. Then I turned on the light. Sigh. He was gone already. 'Tis one of those days I suppose ;)

30 days of truth ~ Day 11 - Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Easy. On how perfect I am. No?

hmmmm ....

Alright then, I'm funny. Or Sarcastic. Or easy to make fun of or ... you know it generally has to do with laughter. But really.

Sometimes I get some good one liners, I'll admit. Maybe my sarcasm is right on once in a while, but trust me ... sometimes it's WAY off. Awkward.

Actually. It's still funny. It may be funnier when I'm the only one laughing. If any member of my family is with me, I know I won't be left hanging and they will laugh at me regardless ... but still.

Is it possible to be passionately humorous? I lost my way for a while. After Amélie was born, I was definitely not as funny as usual. Then over the past few months, since Will's birth, things are settling back in. Or ... I think they are? You know, even during Will's birth there are some seriously funny moments. Come to think of it, my entire day today was filled with laughter. How is the world going to handle me AND my mini-mes? And my husband is funny too ... a family of clowns ;) I'll take that any day.

As the Linfitt World turns - Episode 'Pants'

Corey and I have a unique relationship. It's a love/hate one. We are as opposite as can be and as alike as can be.

For example : He likes hunting. I like meat. He likes fishing. I like fishing. He likes the dumbest reality shows in the universe. I like Star Trek.

Recently, he bought a pair of black fleecy type pants with a green design on them (some beer thing I think). He bought them before Christmas knowing there would be a constant ebb and flow of people through our house and especially with my sister going on mat leave (even though she's seen him in his gitch more than she will ever want to talk about)

At first, I did not try to steal them as I stole his Corrections bunnyhug, his Corrections sweatpants ... his Huskie sweatpants or any of this other cool shirts that 'accidentally' shrank. (No really, they accidentally shrank). But then as I walked around the house looking for pants (because I don't own any or hardly any) I stumbled (literally) upon his pants.

Me : Hmmmm ....(pulls on the pants) Soft!!

This goes on for a number of weeks before Corey tromps around the house looking for his pants. Finally he decides to get revenge.

Me: (doing dishes)
Corey : I SURE like my pants!!
Me: Yeah, they're soft (not paying attention)
Corey : Sure glad I bought them!
Me : Yeah, it was a good idea. (making sure I'm not wearing them - nope)
Corey : Soooooooooo Soft! (his voice reminds me of Marilyn Monroe so I start smiling.)
Me : Nice
Corey : Do you like my Tinkerbell pants? (Obviously he's tired of waiting for me to notice)
Me : (Turning to look. He is modeling my purple Tinkerbell pyjama pants I got for Christmas) Fabulous hun. A little on the short side ... no?
Corey : (looking down) Hello. Flood pants. Don't you know anything (gives me this annoyed look and walks away)
Me : Not when it comes to style.
Corey : We know who the cool one is in this relationship
Both of us : ME!!

These conversations are pretty normal in our house. He took them off shortly after, probably because he found his own, but most likely because I hurt his feelings about them being short.

And yet I'm still surprised at my daughter's sense of humor. Hm. (shrug)

30 days of truth ~Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.

Gosh. I dunno. Someone I need to let go ..... or someone I wish I didn't know .... 0-0. Hmmmmmm.

Well, I'm glad I know all the people I know, they made me who I am ... I suppose.

Okay. I got something. Max, from Max and Ruby.

Max is a bunny, approx 2 years old I believe and all I want to do is serious damage. That bunny, is the WORST behaved bunny I have ever seen. Not only that, but his big sister Ruby, who is 7, looks after him. Like WHAT THE FUCK??!! (crazy scream) STUPID!!! His grandma lives on the same street and pops in once in a while and is ALWAYS on Max's side. How is this POSSIBLY good for kids?! I can't get over it!!! I wish I NEVER knew this cartoon it makes me SO MAD!! HAHAHAHAHA. Also, WHERE are his parents???

That's all I got today. (shrug) Sorry ... couldn't leave this one blank though.

30 days of truth ~ Day 09 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted

Another easy one. Two people actually. (I can change the rules whenever I want)

First. My childhood friend Christine.

We were so weird. Seriously, but we had fun. Lots of it. Climbing on things we weren't supposed to. Once she took me trapping (?). It required lots of hiking and looking at traps that she'd set out for furs. I was absolutely incapable of such ingenuity at the time, not sure I appreciated it. We looked at a lot of stars, had a lot of sleepovers. She appreciated me in a way nobody else could. She 'got' me. Then she went to a different school. The actual distance between us was the same, but mentally we definitely drifted.

She was her and I was me. But in different schools, with different plans. I played volleyball and I don't think she played volleyball much. We definitely drifted apart. I sent her a letter once, when I was younger. I apologized for ... something about chocolates. I think I ate them when we were in (is thinking) ... grade ... 5 or 6 or something. SR. Elizabeth was our teacher. I remember it made a big fight, but I can't remember the details. After that letter I really didn't hear from her again.

Until recently. Facebook helped me find her. She has a little boy. Cute. Looks just like her. Older than Amélie I think. I wouldn't even know what to say anymore. How crazy is that. :(

Second. My high school friend Jennifer.

We were rockstars of the funniest kind. She REALLY got me. I could be as weird as I want and she also forgave my Star Trek infatuation. She was a year ahead of me in school. I don't actually remember a lot of my school years. I don't know why, but I know Jenn and I were best buds. She helped me with Math and science and even when she went to U of S, we were friends. I wish I could describe more fun stuff we did, but I can't, because I don't remember. :( She was my best friend and that's all I remember and I missed her like bees and honey go together.

We drifted when she went to Holland. Not so much at first, but later on when she stayed there. I remember the day she left ... I didn't go. I don't know why. My mom says I have major issues with people leaving me, apparently since I was a kid. I don't like goodbyes. (sigh) I'm not very good at being a friend but I'm getting better all the time. I have so many letters I never sent. Packages that never got mailed because I thought it was dumb of me. I never knew how to say that I missed her like crazy. I knew Mark before he knew me ;) He's her husband. I remember going to Jennifer's before she went there and talking to him online. HAHAHA MARK!! I remember you and that first meeting.

Jenn is also back in the land. Living not that far away. She's been back a little while now and again ... I didn't know what to say and ... I got scared. What? You ask. I know. When she came back I was uber excited but so many people were also uber excited and ... I was jealous because I had been there for a long while but all these people were acting like THEY had been there all along and she was UBER happy to see them! (dark secrets I tell ya). Maybe they emailed her more than I did. Obviously so, because they acted like it. Now I feel bad for feeling that way, but 'tis the truthful story. I thought it would die down and I would get my turn, but I guess I got cold feet. So, I felt like people came between us and ... I just let it be like that. (Okay seriously, what is with all the tearyness ... I'm going to be dehydrated by the end of this 30 days challenge) I remember not being invited to a party and when I asked about it ... was told only close friends and family were going ... you know so ... (Jenn did not say this to me, it was another party ... goer?) I didn't want to start a fight, or a problem, plus ... I figured ... they were right. I hadn't been there all along ... and it's true, in hindsight.

So I still miss her. She has her own close friends and her family is rockstar (They always have been, cousins and what not) and I have my own new friends and my family who is also rockstar. Plus now she has the CUTE-est little baby girl (brand new by like 8-9 days).


These two people played big roles in my life. I love them and miss them! Life goes on I suppose. Sigh.

Not a very funny post again. BLAH.

30 days of truth ~ Day 08 - Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

My mom.

(Silence)

Haha. (sigh) But it's true. She didn't treat me like shit, at least not because I didn't deserve it (unless my manipulative siblings convinced her I was evil that day). Here's the thing. If your mom didn't make your life hell at some point or another, and you just lived in peaceful harmony ... you are a cartoon. Or on an 80's sitcom.

My mom made rules. Damn her. My mom had limits. Curse her. My mom wouldn't let me stay out past midnight pretty much until I graduated and even now she makes me call her when I get home. How DARE she love me?!!! I know right. What a beach.

And, it's not like as if I didn't have enough to deal with ... she made me do chores. Whatever!? right?? And get a job! She didn't buy me a car either, I bought my own at like ... 24 years old. Real nice. Can you feel the love? Oh. Worse even, she made me get a student loan and when I blew my money before going to Meadow Lake (the money she made me work for) she got mad at me! Like. AS IF!

Luckily for her, I turned out alright. Mom always said if a job was worth doing, then do it right for fuck sakes! She must have raised us with that mindset. And also to follow your instincts and be weird (I may have learned that on my own but somedays ... I wonder if it isn't genetic ...)

Thanks a lot. Pffffff. Making me grow up into a responsible, mature (debatable), socially capable (sometimes), human being (questionable). Didn't you have something better to do than to make my life hell?

Best mom ever. :)

Love you mom! :)

DEERLY beloved,

Deerly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, and because my husband waited 2 months to get it done, to cut, gut and skin these deer. To join together this meat and paper in holy meat-amony, which is an honorable estate, instituted of God, (when he put animals on this Earth he intended us to be carnivores, but noooooooooo Eve had to be a vegetarian and eat from the 'special organic tree'). It is therefore, not to be entered into unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly (only if you are a poacher), and in the fear of God and/or Conservation officers. Into this holy estate these deer chops, ribs and steaks come now to be joined to this paper and tape.

Our Savior has instructed that a man (or woman) shall forsake his father and mother and provide for his wife. By his hunting buddies, he has instructed those who enter into this relation to cherish a mutual esteem and love, to bear with each others' infirmities and weaknesses and inability to hit a target; to comfort each other in sickness, trouble, and sorrow when that big buck gets away; in honesty and industry to provide for each other and for their household in temporal things; to pray for and encourage each other in the things which pertain to God (and hunting); and to live together as heirs of the grace of life.

God, for the joy of this occasion we thank you. For the significance of this day we thank you. For this important moment in an ever growing relationship between hunter and prey, we thank you. For your presence here and now and for your presence at all times, but especially for the infinite number of times my husband got stuck and you were with him, we thank you. For the plastic and bleach that will clean my kitchen once this disaster is done, we thank you.

(moment of silence)

Now why the hell is there meat in my sink and on my table and no husband in sight??!!!! ARE YOU? GOD? Going to cut this meat up for him?? Hunh? Are you?? YOU saw fit to let him actually hit a deer with his shot this year! And SOMEONE has to take responsibility for this. ... Well??

Amen.

HAHA. Just kidding God. But seriously if you take offense to this post, then YOUR God doesn't have a sense of humor like my God. My God has a rocking sense of humor.

30 days of truth - Day 07 ~ Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Me. That is super easy. Me. I love my life. It's worth living because of me. I enjoy it. I enjoy my family and friends and the fun and the sarcasm. It's just great. Everyone makes it worth living good and bad.

The good people make it worth living for because I want to be with them. You know my kids, my husband, siblings and what not ... friends ... all them. Plus I don't know how any of them could survive without me!!

And even for the ignorant bastards out there, it's worth living. I mean, if I left, life would be WAY too easy for them. Who would they talk about? Exactly.

30 days of truth - Day 06 ~ Something you hope you never have to do

Bury my kids.

That's it. Nobody wishes that. Ever. Nobody hopes to bury their kid. Nobody ever wishes to give birth to a dead baby. Or find their toddler face down in a pool. Or any other horrific/tragic/sad story you can think of.

Sometimes, to remind myself that other peoples opinion on how I raise my child doesn't matter (because it's easy to get distracted in this world, I go to sites like 'Now I lay me down to sleep'. and I read the stories. And I cry. And I mourn the babies that were born asleep, or had horrible diseases or never got the chance to grow up. I go to some of my favorite blogs and read the journey that some people endure. The pain. The hurt. The confusion. And then I appreciate my children even more. I remind myself that snuggles in bed are not going to ruin their lives. That running around the house wearing whatever they want isn't going to ruin them either.

I think of baby Abby, who lived only a handful of hours.

I think of baby Ashlynd and of baby Matthew, who never got to breathe at all

I think of all the other little ones that didn't get to grow up and I hope I never have to bury one of my own. This is one thing that I'm sure we ALL have in common.

Crybaby

Fuck. Off anyways.

GASP! A swear. But I'm supremely annoyed. The tiniest, stupidest thing sets me off. Let me paint you a picture.

I'm sitting in the recliner, snuggling my 8.5 month old son, watching the Golden Globes (Lord only knows why) and I'm not really paying attention, when I realize that the main guy ... who plays Sheldon .... on Big Bang Theory won an award!!! I got teary-eyed.

While watching Despicable me. The end, I got teary eyed.

Realizing that one of my favorite characters on Voyager dies in a book. Yup. Teary.

My daughter runs up to me and says "Mom, you're not listening to me! I love you so much!" You guessed it.

I've NEVER been the type to cry for everything. Funerals... okay a little tear, here and there. But now I'm pretty sure I cry more than the immediate family. Worse if I look at my mom. If someone I know has a traumatic birth experience ... I get teary ... even if we aren't actual FRIENDS!

What the heck is going on? I get teary eyed just THINKING about getting TEARY EYED!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

On the other hand, when trying to manipulate my husband, a little teary eyed ... ness ... goes a long way.

30 days of truth ~ Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life

Easy. Lots of things. A great many things. Whatever I want. Be a good wife. Be a good mom. Be a good sister. Daughter. Grandmother. Sister-in-law. All those things. A good friend. Aunt.

I really hope to do something great. Maybe I'll write that book that is churning in my mind. I wanted to have babies. I did. Two fantastic babies.

Hm. What do I want to do in my life? Hm.

I want to live it.

Interesting fact : Every day has the opportunity to be an adventure of the most epic proportions. 

Besides before I can do anything else in my life I have to survive my sister being in labor. Do you think they just leave the 'gas' in the room, unsupervised?? (For research purposes of COURSE. This way I can try them without worrying about putting a baby at risk. AND if they work I won't feel ANY of her contractions.) Win/Win.

My blender and I

We got a blender for Christmas one year. It has the stainless steel and the clear tops. 6 different settings and a stop button. And it has sat on top of the fridge for most of it's life, other than the occasional milkshake.

Last year I ordered a magazine (more about said magazine in another post) and found a few smoothie/slushie recipes. Yum. Well ... here is what I've discovered about my blender.

1. IT doesn't crush ice
2. Even though it has a 'crush ice' setting. It really doesn't crush ice
3. It purees everything
4. Except ice cream .. it liquefies ice cream
5. and Nuts, it turns nuts into powder
6. if you put in ice AFTER you are done pureeing everything else for your slushie, it doesn't pull the ice down to 'crush'
7. Which doesn't matter because it doesn't crush ice, despite the crush ice setting
8. It deals with bananas exceptionally well
9. It makes good milkshakes.
10. IT can not be turned on without supervision or the 'spill proof' lid flies off.
11. IT doesn't make batter or bread dough for me.
12. It IS relatively easy to clean if you do so immediately after use.
13. IT would be better if it would be less inclined to puree everything
14. If you are watching carefully you can get it to chop nuts, bubblegum and other things but you must turn it on, then immediately turn it off and filter through the items. (always remove container from bottom before doing this)
15. Do not use if you are not fully awake or capable of coherent thought.
16. Always have paper towels and hand clothes or dish cloths near you.
17. Better yet, wear coveralls and eye protection
18. Adding water to something you are trying to puree may liquify it to being just ... a juice
19. Always assemble in the correct order to prevent liquid from leaking and spraying everywhere
20. Unplug it when done so that you don't accidentally turn it on and drop your drink, forcing you to either quit and have water, or start over.

30 days of truth - Day 04 ~ Something you have to forgive someone for

This is a big one. Hands down, my hospital experience after A was born. There's a lot of people involved in this and I'm chipping away at forgiving those near and dear to me first. It helps at how much more educated they have become, how much more aware they are of what they say to me. Most importantly, that they inform themselves and ask questions before commenting, offering suggestions and even defending me. The next step will be the actual staff at the hospital.

There is a chance in the near future that I will be standing toe to toe with Dr. D (formerly Dr. Caca). My sister's physician's back up (on call) doctor ... is dr. D. If she's not given birth by February, she will possibly fall into his 'hands'. The other physician I'm unfamiliar with (She couldn't remember his name). I may have the opportunity to speak to him directly, but the thought terrifies me. I am appalled at myself really, but his mannerism is intimidating (hence he was able to overpower me in the first place). I keep telling myself that I am not in the same frame of mind as I was when I first met him and I've asked baby Avery to come either on time or early.

In my heart, I know that he is not going out of his way to hurt women, (except perhaps in my case because there really was no reason to check inside of me like he did). Maybe he's extremely misled? Perhaps, given the opportunity, to interact as a support person instead of a 'patient' my opinion will change. I do find healing when I talk to others who've had similar experiences.

I have to admit, going to the hospital as a support person for my sister will do 1 of 2 things. Abate the anger that runs through my veins ... or exacerbate it.


I need to forgive people for what happened postpartum Amelie's birth. This is a long journey that I take step by step, day by day.

30 days of truth - Day 03 ~ Something you have to forgive yourself for

There are plenty of things I'm sure, but the most recent and most predominate one on my mind these days ... is Will's circumcision. Every time I change his diaper I'm reminded of the unnecessary pain I caused him and of the unknown long term effects it will have on him. Everybody always says 'he won't remember', 'you'll be happy it's done now instead of later', 'I know someone etc ...'. Here's the major thing about that. The reason I can't just forgive myself and give it logic. I probably have a higher chance of getting a devastating cancer ... than he would have needed to get a circumcision later in life. Here is the link to how I felt after it was done : Circ

What others do to their own sons is their own business, I'm just devastated by the choice I made. I know my son loves me. He LOVES me.

But I'm filled with guilt. 24 hours after his circ, he had a yeast infection. 'These things happen' .... isn't the circumcision supposed to ... prevent that?? And it was a bad one too and I was keeping him ridiculously clean. The doctor was even surprised. Then at his 6 month check up we discovered that it was re-attaching. I refused to get it redone and I refused to let him 'pull it down'. He told me it might loosen on it's own and after a bit of research and keeping a close eye on it, I can see that it is, indeed, loosening and I'm pretty sure he's not in pain. I find a little solace knowing I prevented more unnecessary pain.

I don't know when I will actually forgive myself for this. There isn't much that can be said to alleviate the ache, especially from those who are wholeheartedly pro-circumcision. (I'm not judging you, please don't think that) Nor from those wholeheartedly against circumcision. The circumcision itself was done properly from what I can see and tell and it isn't a hack job.

My heart hurts. And I'm still undecided on the subject. I'm simply not ready to tackle this issue full on yet I suppose. Sigh. This wasn't a very funny post.

30 days of truths ~ Day 02 - Something you love about yourself

Well, there are a great number of things I love about myself. There's my sense of humor for one. IT saves a lot of situations and breaks a lot of ice (strange how I'm still so socially inadequate) But better than that (according to moi) is my ability to turn a piece of paper full of ideas into an essay, letter or story. I love editing. There is NO way around that. I love to take something and turn it into something else. Love it. Love LOVE it. I love it more than making spreadsheets of random things (book lists, bill payments, movie rentals, friends ....)

Recently, my sister asked me to look over a letter of recommendation (or something of the sort) for her. After I finished choking on my laughter and asking her if it was a letter of recommendation or damnation ... I began to edit. I never added anything untrue. But there is certainly a way to say that someone is a bossy Bessie without saying they are a bossy Bessie. You know what I mean?

Also, I was asked to go over a preview copy of a book. Uh. Yes, I was more than excited. I am loving every second, even though I'm just looking for spelling mistakes, missing words, I'm still enjoying myself.

I correct everyone's statuses (mentally) and if I'm being a nerdy nerd, I correct it right on facebook. I seriously enjoy it. My mom and siblings often ask me to go over their resumés and letters to see how they sound. I must admit that my mom, has an impressive CV and there seriously isn't much I can add to it to make her more impressive 0_0. I do enjoy correcting her letters on the odd occasion I get to (which is often because mom likes to have at least 10 jobs at the same time).

Summary : I love editing and I love that I'm good at it. Is that something that counts? I think so. But if it doesn't ... then I choose my sense of humor.

30 days of truth - Day 01 ~ Something you hate about yourself

Okay I saw this on a friend's site. Stole it. Meh. She didn't copyright it so ... tough crap! 30 days of truth it's called and you have to do the list (it's at the top in my pages) It's pretty neat!

Day 01 ~ Something you hate about yourself.

Hm. Well. I can probably come up with a few inadequacies, but actually hate something about myself? Okay. I got something. I don't know if I actually hate it but it's something I strongly dislike that I'm trying to work on.

I have a hard time making friends and/or keeping them. I don't know for sure ... but I'm thinking it's my strong opinions. I have them that's for sure and although I most definitely don't mean to sound judgmental, I'm obviously coming off that way. (Or I outright smell bad or something) There are a few people who just love me the way I am and are still my friend despite our differences and they are major ones! Birth choices, immunizations ... but on the other hand ... some people I have big commonalities with don't exactly like hanging out with me either. I probably overload them with correspondence because I'm just so happy to have at least 1 thing in common. Sigh. This is something to ponder on. Although I'm not looking for tons of friends, it would be nice to have a bit of a social life.

Maybe if I wasn't such a recluse (stolen word from friend's site) I am. I'll admit it. Parties (such as optionelle, tupperware and other) weren't my thing. (I enjoy them now though) I really didn't feel ... part of the crowd? Because I've done and still do things SO differently I'm honestly worried I'll start a fight, or get ganged up on, or just plain feel like an outcast. Dumb right? But it's true, it's happened before!!! Also, it's hard to have a real conversation at a party.

I really hate this about myself. I wish I could be just a bit more 'friendly' in some instances and a little less 'friendly' in others.

I hate having a hard time making friends. Point final.

This is a poop story.

It all started innocently enough on a normal winter day. Amélie yelling at the top of her lungs that she had to go 'caca'.


"MOM! I HAVE TO GO CACA!"

So I took her pants and panties off and she went to the bathroom. The sound that followed was gross, but I went and checked it out anyways. Yup. Diarrhea. Of course I wasn't concerned. It was going around and who knows what COREY fed her.

Interesting fact : Corey will feed her whatever he's eating. He eats spicy/hot/greasy food. Often.

This happened the next day as well. Still not concerned. THEN. IT happened. White poop. White diarrhea actually. AT first, I wasn't concerned. She's had this before and it was no big deal actually. I was a little perturbed at the site (not gonna lie, may have gagged a bit).

The next day ... again, but not diarrhea. So. I did what EVERY responsible parent does. That's right. I googled it. Lame ass idea. After terrifying myself that she was going to die of some liver related disease!! Or clogged bile ducts!! I managed to read the rest and narrow it down to A) Malabsportion, or B) Intestinal infection or at worse c) clogged bile duct. So I did what every concerned mother who has googled it does ... I called my mom. Hearing her be all worried actually calmed me down HAHA (oh mom) She suggested yogurt and some other stuff and she also thought it might be worms. GROSS! I didn't think it was.

Let's be reasonable, she wasn't experiencing pain at all. No fever, no jaundice, nothing to indicate a problem with the bile ducts or even the liver or anything at all. So after a bit of nutritional research I did what I should have done a long time ago and brought the hammer down on her nutrition. No longer was she allowed to eat what she wanted to. I made sure to have out some healthy treats to soothe the tummy and try to slow food down. It's called the B.R.A.T diet. Okay I totally added stuff to it but I basically cut out sugar and fruit and veggies (fresh ones that is) She was just passing them right through and not digesting anyways and the juice was making it super hard to tell what color her poop was. TMI? Too bad man, you totally saw the title.

The next few days, her movements (bowel that is) were still not what I wanted to see, but I reassured myself that it would take time. She was sleeping better (I noted) and her attitude was toned down (WHAT? You mean ... sugar makes kids hyper?! WHATEVER?! ;) I also watered down all her drinks (She only noticed once) The next one was literally a little yellow poop and then a green one. I was like. OMG amazing. Two totally different colored poops! (Uh yeah I totally looked at it. Closely. I didn't touch it.) Then today was the last straw.

She'd been having these strange bowel movements for 7-10 days and I really wanted to get her on fruits and veggies! Plus her movement today was not impressive (well it was just not the impressive I wanted ... you know?) she also was sleeping much better but her eyes had circles under them! Anyways, I arranged to get her seen by the doctor.

I was right. She was just being normal. A totally normal little girl who jabbed the doctor on the nose and said "You're the doctor!" He checked her thoroughly as I filled him in on what had been going on and he agreed with me. She's just having a few digestion issues and they should straighten out in a couple of weeks. Phew. SO it's NOT liver disease. Haha. No, she would be really sick.

Interesting (and annoying) fact : This entire time Amelie was saying "MOM you're turn! Get on the bed. Mom! You're turn get on the bed!' and then proceeding to try and get me on the bed.

Her tummy was fine, digestion sounded normal so it was just her system getting back on course. Stay away from ALL milk products and red meat for a while, introduce it again slowly. Eat fruits and veggies, fish, chicken, but really bland, nothing spicy. (FROWN COREY) SO it's NOT kidney problems or anything? No, again she's not showing any jaundice at all and she's really not sick. (She's still getting louder and louder about him being the doctor and it's my turn and get on the bed, open my mouth so he can check inside)

SO. Bottom line. I worried about poop. Just that line itself makes me shake my head at myself sometimes. I had a decent reason to worry but after doing research I was right in my deduction. Thank GAWD someone is coming to visit me soon. I've had enough poop for today.

To confirm that I am indeed a strange, strange human

Last night, I made a startling discovery. As I was browsing books to download to my eReader without my husband's permission, I found out that my favorite character ... died. I almost cried. I definitely teared up. And I was furious!!! And broken-hearted.

I'll back up. I like LOVE Star Trek. Especially TNG, but also Voyager. When I got my eReader I was pleasantly THRILLED to discover that the book I'd chosen focused on the relationship between Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher. YES! Every fanfiction addict's dream! I read every page. I'm a fast reader and a 'skimmer' at best, but this book had my attention from the beginning. (Very, very hard to do) Then I was desperate to find the next and the next ... then I stumbled onto one where the prologue spoke of a pregnancy and I had to back up. I was happy but needed to take my time read each book. I promised I'd come back to it because I thoroughly enjoy Captain Janeway as well. er ... Admiral Janeway that is now.

Last night, I decided to skip a book because it focused more on 7 of 9 from Voyager and I liked her less, so then I got the next one. Only to discover in the next few lines that Admiral Kathryn Janeway had died! (sob, sob) I was stunned!! Confused!

So today I mourn the loss of a dear imaginary friend. RIP Admiral Janeway. I don't know if I can read that book now. I will. I enjoy torturing myself, and I need answers damn it! It'll be my figurative autopsy.

But seriously. I may have cried if I had been any more tired. For sure.

Shut your face and stop laughing at me. OR I will kick your vampire's love story into the ground! ;)

Informed Decisions

Before you read this, please know that if your birth was at the hospital and ended up pretty traumatic ... I really do still love you. No matter what I still love all of you because you are reading this blog and making me a little less crazy.

Interesting fact : Only crazy people blog to themselves. 
 
Please know that this post is not about everyone and I'm more than aware of what an actual emergency is, which is why this post is important to me. This isn't meant to make you feel shitty about your birth experience. It's to make you question it. Research it. Discover for yourself! if what happened could have been prevented or if what happened was just the way it was.

Let me start off by saying that ... there is a recommended C-section rate of 10-15% by the World Health Organization. (Thanks E). This is a fact. I could have made this up. But you could google it. In fact. You should google it because then you would know for sure ... right? Here is a good link to save you some time (but it doesn't matter where you google ... you'll see I'm not bullshitting you) C-section Granted this is from the States, but Canada is the same.

This all being said, I can't even keep track of how many of my friends/acquaintances/relatives are getting c-sections. I can count on 1 hand the amount of women who've gone without an epidural and I can keep track in my head how many have gone episiotomy free. There are more inductions than natural labor and more people getting pitocin even if their labor started naturally.

Interesting fact : episiotomy is not a word recognized by spell checker.

This bothers me. (not that spell checker doesn't recognize episiotomy)

Yes. It is YOUR birth experience. But I can see you aren't happy with it. You tell me you are fine and that the doctors 'saved' your life and your baby's life. Why do I feel the almost irresistible urge to point out that perhaps your doctor put you in that position that needed your lives to be saved? (I'm not saying he's out to kill you. THAT would be bad for everyone involved fyi)

My labor was 20 hours, it IS NORMAL! Some go even longer, they aren't considered 'failure to progress'. On that note, why are so many people 'failing' to progress?

Now, any of you who've had this happen are thinking, well my reason was valid and here's a good reason for this and here's a good reason for that. I would love to read your information. I would like to see that link and others supporting it. Go on. Where is it? Oh I see here this is a good reason ... did this happen? no? oh.

I've said this before : You will probably not die ... from being informed. (unless you are a journalist researching in another country ... then I can't say for sure).

I've done my research. I know what instances I would choose a hospital birth. I know that my midwife/ves are more than capable of detecting an emergency situation on time (this is because they are with me through nearly my entire labor and are specifically trained to detect an abnormality while supporting a natural, normal birth) I've known them throughout my pregnancy and there are no strangers trying to decipher my chart. They have back up obstetricians that they work with in case of consultations or transfer of care. I know they won't take on more than they can handle. Most importantly they know me and have made the effort to get to know me, my preferences, what I can and can not handle and have helped me stay informed with pros AND cons to every choice I need to make.

SO get off my back about having a homebirth because I DID my research! And unless you want me to reply with 'OMG You had a hospital birth?!" "You're so CRAZY!" "I could never do that. I like the safety of my house" "I've heard horror stories of doctors using all that fancy equipment to torture patients!!" "You are so open-minded to let every nurse and doctor touch your cervix!" "Wow ... you were so lucky you survived all that!" "Good thing they were paying attention" .... do you see where I'm going here??

There are good candidates for homebirth and not so good candidates for homebirth. But even if you would never have a homebirth, you could still research your birth choices. I know people who've had FANTASTIC hospital births and have left feeling amazing! I know some really amazing nurses too. If you want an epidural, do your research so you aren't surprised! by the side effects. That's all I'm sayin'.

Interesting fact : This is not about you. It's about me. So don't try and make it about you. I'm not hating on you. I still want you to be my friend.

Socially awkward (or Making friends)

I seriously suck at making friends. This is an actual fact. I'm also not very good at witty comebacks. Or comebacks period.

In the past few months, as I've been meeting new people and learning their opinions about everything from birth, to raising babies, to raising toddlers, to discipline, to daycare, I've discovered something a bit alarming. I'm very socially awkward. To be fair, it probably started a long time ago, but especially after being denied into a *strollercize* group because the leader found out I'd had 1 homebirth and was planning another. (A whole other blog post I'm sure)

A good example would be today, I accompanied Corey to his massage and when he was done we were chatting with his massage therapist and daycare came up. Now ... I have NOTHING against daycare and people who use daycare. Like seriously! I know a few daycare workers and love them, have visited a couple of them, they are nice. I might even work in one, who knows! But I'm pretty sure that's not what she thought.

Corinne = socially awkward

I'm NO good at having a normal discussion. Seriously, no good. The point I was trying to make was I couldn't be expected to 'support' a certain daycare because it was WAY out of my way! IT would add nearly 40 minutes to my morning ... or more. So ... no ... I would not send my kids there. I also mentioned I wouldn't be sending my kid to playschool there because I don't work in that area and how am I going to pick her up at noon? I'm pretty sure it came off more like ... no that's a stupid idea why would I send my kids to that lame school. How lame. Only lame people send their kids to preschool and daycare. Lame, lame, lame.

Corinne = socially awkward

I stopped talking after that because I was pretty sure I was digging my own lame-ass grave.

I'm also not very good at having a normal discussion with people who have differing opinions than mine. Why? I always feel judged. Why? Because I'm socially awkward. And possibly because I'm a hermit who is socially awkward. OR because I like to think it's all about me. Because ... fact : Everyone talks about Corinne ~ probably not. They are usually probably pretty happy for me to get my socially awkward ass out of there so they can have adult conversations. 

I suppose the only way to get better is to keep practicing. So far, outside my own family that is, I've found 2 people who can forgive my social inadequacies and have a normal (if you call our conversations normal) discussion with me.

Now that I've shoved my WHOLE foot in my mouth with what COULD Have been my 3rd friend and would have been a great addition because our kids will eventually be in that lame-ass school together (they are both born in the same years) and I'm pretty sure she would have liked my other 2 friends (even though one lives stupid far away and even though she probably has tons of her own friends) what am I to do?

Interesting fact : As soon as anyone shows an interest in being my friend, perhaps through a mutual idea we have or experience, I get way too excited and overflow them with messages.

Corinne = Socially awkward

PS That school isn't lame. ;)

PPS I totally had to blog this because Corey's massage therapist made a funny little joke of me blogging about today and I SO DID! Corey's massage therapist = funny.

Corinne = shoving her foot further into mouth because Corey's therapist will now never invite me to her house again because I will probably blog about it and it will be all over the Internet and every stranger in the universe will know. Because fact : everyone talks about Corine. There's just no way around that.

After Amelie was born ....

I like to torture myself occasionally and converse with people about their birth stories. Or I'll phone one of my sisters and ask them to tell me a story of a friend of theirs. Both my sisters and my husband are more than aware of my feelings for Dr. Caca. (Seriously. A perfect. Description) Now, my family members usually ask them who their doctor was and if, by chance, they had Dr. Caca, they immediately relate my story. 99% of the time they hear this response "Oh he was good to us!"

Of COURSE he was!!! He had you 'tied to the bed' with induction juices in your veins, an 'ice cube' in your back, an OR at the ready (just in case) and rubber gloves. PLUS he wasn't late for a dinner probably because DUH ... he induced you when it was convenient. Luckily for these 'patients' my family members don't say THAT, only I do. Which is why nobody calls to talk to me. Dr. Caca gets around.

Maternity Leave

I still have 3 months (approx) of maternity leave left and I'm really bummed. Only 3 months? I am majorly pouting about it. Boooooo. But I simply can not stay home. Financially it makes no sense.

I was doing a bit of research though and realized that there was no one hired for my teacher's aid position. Since BOTH my positions at the school depend on student enrollment I'm a little worried. Going back for only 22.5 hours a week isn't going to pay for a sitter and bills.

Also, I'm really bummed because it means my great breastfeeding relationship will be coming to an end. I'm a shitty pumper and I guess I'll always have morning and night time feeds but still .... (lip quiver). 

I don't even have a sitter lined up. Or a breast pump.

I need a plan. Or I need to win the lottery.  Or somebody I know needs to win the lottery.

Fine. Plan it is. I sent an email to my new boss to ask about my jobs so we'll go from there. In the meantime = POUT.

Things your kids say to make you question your parenting skills ....

Exhibit A :

Amelie : Mom ... you're drying my nuts.
Me : (silence) WHAT?
Amelie : (hands on hips) You're DRYING my NUTS!
Me: (realization) I'm ... driving you nuts?
Amelie : YES!! clickety, clickety (pretending to type on a keyboard)
Me : Ohhh ... sorry. (types very cautiously/quietly)

Exhibit B :

Me : Amélie come and see!!
Amélie : What is it? What is it? (excited)
Me: LOOK! (Show her something cool)
Amélie : Holy Shit!

The Other Side of the Glass

And because I have to put something 'ranty'.

Interesting Fact : Ever since Will's pregnancy/birth ... I'm less desperate to prove my point. (dramatic noise) TILL NOW! HA.

Interesting Fact with Too Much Information : Ever since Will's birth I can run and NOT pee a little every time. Perhaps because I was treated with the UTMOST respect before/during/after my son's birth? Yes. There was no jamming of fists anywhere before/during/after the birth of the Boy. 

One more interesting fact before the rant : I just drank a whole cup of coffee with hot chocolate in it and it's 10:00 pm. Smart? Not likely. Addicted to my Tassimo? Probably. 

Onward. 

I have only watched 1 hour of The Other side of the Glass free preview, which expires tonight at midnight I believe. I posted it on my facebook profile. Twice. Why? Because I live in the middle of nowhere surrounded by people who think I'm crazy. I will admit to being a tad random sometimes, but crazy? not in this area baby. Without digging up too much crap about Amélie's birth/postpartum experience I can honestly say that I was let down by the hospital. Especially by those who told me I could trust them. Like ... where the F were you when I needed you? Corey did amazing. He immediately stayed with Amélie while the nurses/doctors poked, prodded, attempted to vaccinate and put eye drops. He protected her from things he 'knew' unnecessary. It meant I had to be left unprotected and was extremely 'violated' by a doctor at the hospital, but at least she was 'safer'. Corey, myself and our doula were verbally and mentally abused. My baby cried for like 20 minutes before someone came to 'tell me' to feed my baby. Wow. Thanks for the help. I had no idea what I was doing, but I got to cuddle her.She was kept from my room for 26 hours to be on oxygen.  Corey and I took up space in the nursery almost ALL The time. I kid you not, my eyeballs fell out and rolled on the ground a bit when a nurse SUDDENLY realized that her oxygen sensor ... wasn't on properly. And look at that!!! When it was on properly she was reading at totally fine!!!

Perhaps coincidence, perhaps God, perhaps this lactation consultant read my mind, but she came in and got shit going. The way she defended me/my baby and my birth experience will never be forgotten. Seriously. The bomb. She said what I couldn't. Can I remember her name? No. Because I'm a moron who didn't write anything down at the time. But if she ever finds her way here. Awesome, you were.

True or not. It felt like we were being punished for having a homebirth. And I thought I was doing the RIGHT thing by bringing her to the hospital. That and my gut told me she needed oxygen (which WAS true to some degree) And do you know what I learned from this entire experience? Don't have a baby in 'THIS' hospital. The fact that I felt I was being punished is true. I felt that way. If the nursing team made me feel that way ... well guess what ... they made me feel that way. This isn't a game of 'well we didn't mean to'. They did. And didn't bother trying to make me feel less than lame. And I think the worst ones were the ones I knew ... not exactly 'personally' but that I was aware of their relatives? perhaps? Because they thought they could just do whatevs.

To many, this is old news. Corinne whining. I'm not whining. I'm advocating. This shit actually happened to me. I'm not hypothesizing. Wake up! I got PPD bad! But not as bad as others have it/have gotten in/will get it.

Sigh. What the Hell was I walking about?  Oh yeah. Watch the video. Do the research. No harm will come from being informed. But the damage that will be caused by being ignorant will last a lifetime.

One more interesting fact : I forget because my daughter just said something HILARIOUS.

The Boy. 8 months old

Well, I puzzled and puzzled about whether I should put a post about my Boy, (all of 30 minutes really) and decided. Duh. Yes. Am basically talking/writing for my own pure enjoyment and I want to talk/write/read/listen about my Boy. Here he is in all his awesome glory.

Cruelty to siblings - not really. Amelie wanting to feed Will is all.

Fail! Parent trying to see/take a picture of Will's tooth. What for? My own selfish amusement.

We promote violence/self-defense at a young age

Big boy playing with his toy! He WAS dancing but obviously ... that is a video

Because he has a rooster in his hands.

What. The. Hell. is on my head?

What do you mean that isn't an appropriate food for an 8 month old?

Because I have nothing better to do ....

... with my time than to create an exceedingly long list of tasks I will probably fail/not complete.  

Wow. I just discovered how to make a bunch of drafts and edit the date that they get posted. Amazing. 

I've decided to create a 101 things to do/accomplish in 1001 days. Idea stolen from my future sis-in-law. First thing to do on my list is ... make the list. I will complete this list by January 31st, 2011.

Just discovered how to create a 'page'. Now you can check out the list on the blog. There should be a tab marked '101 things in 1001 days. Right under my title.

I only have 9 things on my list. Suggestions? (sound of crickets) I'll come back to you in the morning.

Introductions

For the purpose of this blog I will refer to myself as, Cea. The goddess of the prairies. Well actually that's who I am, but since most of you probably can't tolerate that type of 'outside the box' thinking, I'll just be C. That and I'm pretty sure that there is no way I can actually prove to you that I'm any type of Goddess of anything. No super powers, no amazing talents ... seriously just normal. Alright. Normal is not the right word either. Definitely not the correct description. Onward.

I'm 27 years old, but honestly lose track and sometimes refer to myself as 28, and live in Saskatchewan.It doesn't help that my husband (hereafter known by whatever initial/word I chose) refers to himself as an 'old 30 year old' and I corroborate to that by telling him he's 'dirty thirty'. Which he is not. He's 29 until June.

Also. I live in an area where many of my choices are 'frowned' upon. Seriously, there's so much gossip my ears are permanently red. Or is it itchy? That may also mean they are dry. Or is the saying about feet. I'll ask my mom, she's got all the sayings. I had 2 home births and the most horrific postpartum hospital experience EVAH. Seriously. I'll get to it, but first I'll probably post a link so you can go read about that bucket full of crap.  Post Partum (Seriously one of my tamer pieces of work) Not the one I thought I posted but suck it up. You can search the other blog to find what you need or wait impatiently for me to revisit it in one (or many) of my random thought processes. Also, I don't immunize so if you are here by some mistake and think I want you to tell me that I'm wrong ... wow I also suck at giving directions so just backtrack.

So. I won 2 babies out of those home births. 1 boy. 1 girl. Not in that order.  More about them later.

Since, as of right now, I have no followers, it means I'm talking to myself.

My new blog ... welcome to my little mental asylum

I decided to start a NEW blog. What? I had an old one? Yes. You suck for not knowing that. It was getting too hard to filter my random thoughts from my family updates, so this blog was born. Also I need to buy some Epicure dip for Corey.

Ta da! First post. Done. Awesome. Cut. Edit. Whatever word goes here. PRINT! That's what it is.