This is a big one. Hands down, my hospital experience after A was born. There's a lot of people involved in this and I'm chipping away at forgiving those near and dear to me first. It helps at how much more educated they have become, how much more aware they are of what they say to me. Most importantly, that they inform themselves and ask questions before commenting, offering suggestions and even defending me. The next step will be the actual staff at the hospital.
There is a chance in the near future that I will be standing toe to toe with Dr. D (formerly Dr. Caca). My sister's physician's back up (on call) doctor ... is dr. D. If she's not given birth by February, she will possibly fall into his 'hands'. The other physician I'm unfamiliar with (She couldn't remember his name). I may have the opportunity to speak to him directly, but the thought terrifies me. I am appalled at myself really, but his mannerism is intimidating (hence he was able to overpower me in the first place). I keep telling myself that I am not in the same frame of mind as I was when I first met him and I've asked baby Avery to come either on time or early.
In my heart, I know that he is not going out of his way to hurt women, (except perhaps in my case because there really was no reason to check inside of me like he did). Maybe he's extremely misled? Perhaps, given the opportunity, to interact as a support person instead of a 'patient' my opinion will change. I do find healing when I talk to others who've had similar experiences.
I have to admit, going to the hospital as a support person for my sister will do 1 of 2 things. Abate the anger that runs through my veins ... or exacerbate it.
I need to forgive people for what happened postpartum Amelie's birth. This is a long journey that I take step by step, day by day.
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