Just because speech is free does not mean it is without consequence.

I saw that on a friend's facebook status and immediately, of course, thought it was about something I said. Then I commented. Then I deleted because I realized that :

A : Not everything is about me and not everyone is out to get me

B : Letting things rest for a while before kneading is best (like bread).

I also recently was having a fantastic discussion about choosing and God and choices we make and turned it into a rant about my sister's delivery. Lame. Hindsight is always 20/20, but I expect more from myself and was disappointed. Plus it's not like I could 'delete' that. So instead I pumped out an apology for the off-topic rant, but now that I think of it I don't think I mentioned I wanted to keep on the main topic. (Head shake)

I'm also having a different one about education! So good, but this time I kept on topic, weighed what I wanted to say and tried to say it diplomatically and with some sort of intelligence ... I think what I wanted to say came across ... less than intelligibly. Oh well. I blame fatigue.

I also think back to my sister's labor/birth She is my little sister and I'm still trying to analyze, process and file what happened and how I didn't live up to my own expectations. Well, actually, I tried to be diplomatic in the delivery room, overriding my own common sense and that disappoints me like you have NO idea. Okay, well obviously you noticed my rants, I was very displeased that I even had to THINK about being assertive. At the hospital I very much wasn't ready to deal with the consequence of my words, but ... NOW I realize ... they would have been helpless to my common sense.

Well, if you read my blog, or interact with me in any way, I don't know why you would be surprised that I reacted the way I did, by immediate blasting of the wrongs that were done. Seems to me the most logical course of action in order to get across the fact that I was not only angry, but that some real wrong had happened.

It has also occurred to me, that we, as adults, still very much need our mothers. Even if it's just to borrow a little strength to get back to 'operating' levels. (Or in my case 'sane' ... well okay borrowing from my mom won't make me like ... 'sane' per say ... but I'm sure you know what I mean.)

On the other hand, I know I'm putting my pieces back together and will be ready for another battle, another day, even though my mom is busy having some good times ;). And in the meantime some challenging and thought provoking discussions.

Interesting fact : I had to go OUT of my way not to use the phrase ... That being said ...
Interesting fact 2 : I use the word challenging a lot because I like it. Also the word disappointed came up a few times .... deal with it. Was too lazy to google any synonyms.

30 days of truth ~ Day 25 - The reason you believe you're still alive today

Well, I have no idea. Because I am I suppose. I would like to think that there's something I'm supposed to do, or somewhere I need to be ... or maybe I've done it and been there ... and now it's just living. I don't know. Every once in a while I think I know exactly what I'm supposed to do, but then I get days like today where I just don't want to do that. I'm just tired as I write this, which is why it's boring.

Actually, since I'm thinking about it I have noticed a bit of a pattern. Generally when I think I know exactly what I should do, I will begin to think details. Then it seems it peters out until I hit something else. It's never far from my original thought it so I think it's about refining it. Once I get it right, things will just work out I think. I will be available, it'll be in my grasp and all I have to do is reach out and grab it.

Right. This post is about the reason I'm alive. Well ... I don't know. I just am.

30 days of truth ~ Day 05 - Something you hope to do in your life

Easy. Lots of things. A great many things. Whatever I want. Be a good wife. Be a good mom. Be a good sister. Daughter. Grandmother. Sister-in-law. All those things. A good friend. Aunt.

I really hope to do something great. Maybe I'll write that book that is churning in my mind. I wanted to have babies. I did. Two fantastic babies.

Hm. What do I want to do in my life? Hm.

I want to live it.

Interesting fact : Every day has the opportunity to be an adventure of the most epic proportions. 

Besides before I can do anything else in my life I have to survive my sister being in labor. Do you think they just leave the 'gas' in the room, unsupervised?? (For research purposes of COURSE. This way I can try them without worrying about putting a baby at risk. AND if they work I won't feel ANY of her contractions.) Win/Win.