Random update

One month until Christmas.

At the end of the week it'll be time to start decorating the house. I've put some lights up in Amélie's room, but that's about it. We bought new bulbs in pink, purple and some other color that I hardly noticed, and a couple new ornaments. Since we get a real tree, we might postpone until the 2nd or even later in the week after.

I was off work because of intense headaches but after two chiro appointments I seem to be feeling a bunch better! Yay! I hope my boss appreciates my new found ambition ... it might start costing money - but it's for the KIDS!

I've been told to take it easy and not rush into things. Well, of course, but it's almost Christmas! There's so much to do.

I've managed to check off quite a few on my shopping list, all from shopping the great deals on Friday - online. I know that it's commercialism and all that crap but for people on a budget it makes us feel good to be able to buy something of quality! I still LOVE homemade gifts, but I still feel good being able to get a really good quality something when I can.

Speaking of homemade gifts, I'm not very crafty anymore. I don't know how that happened ....

Also - I am still fighting with yeast for making bread. I should just quit, but I love it when it accidentally turns out

Convection Bake Ovens

We got a new oven.

I don't do much of the cooking or, at least, I try to avoid it like the plague. I'm probably going to die of the plague because I can't avoid cooking.

Since the new oven has arrived and been installed I decided to use my old bananas and made a banana bread. Well ... I was pretty ticked off when I realized how brown my bread was getting but the inside wasn't cooking very well. Now I have a super brown, barely cooked banana bread. 0_o. Annoyed.

Luckily, when I made the lasagnas, I was able to make two at the same time and shave off almost 15 minutes! I have to admit at being impressed. I've also gotten into this habit of constantly wiping and cleaning the stovetop, which is weird. I'm also tempted to make cookies, and muffins and freeze them. And bread since we always seem to be running out of bread ....

We'll see.

16 weeks!

16 weeks

I know. I sure dawdled in this picture taking ...

16 weeks.

Finally getting over the morning sickness.
I don't think I look real big and I haven't felt any definite movements yet but I'm hoping that just means a nice, quite, calm, Linfitt baby. You never KNOW!!

I don't fit my old pants anymore, but the x-small maternity pants that were given to me fit just right, even a little big on a few of them. Whatever. I like them. I also need to get an extender for my bra, I think my ribcage is getting bigger and my boobs are just fluffier.

More to come at my next appointment - if I can remember when it is and go to it that is ...

Conversations with Amélie and William

Amélie about her dad sucking at hunting :

Corey : I missed a HUGE buck.
Amélie : Dad ... why did you miss?
Corey : Cause I suck.
Amélie : Well ... on the other day please don't suck. I don't want to say that you suck. It's embarrassing.

At every house we went to with William for trick or treating :

William : PUPPY!!!
Me : Say thank you for the treats.
Person in house : And what are you dressed as little man? Iron Man??
William : Tony Stark. Wook PUPPY!!!

Discussing potty training with William :

Me : Do you have to use the potty?
William : No potty.
Me : But big boys use the potty.
William : No thank you.
Me : So polite.

Amélie about sharing videogames ...

Amélie : Want to play with me Mononcle Devon??
Devon : Okay.
Amélie : (hands over the remote) Okay. So you have to jump and WATCH OUT!
Devon : I got this. I know how to do this.
Amélie : (getting very worried and panicky - agitated) RUN! Look out! Here let me help you.
Devon : (holding remote away from Amélie) I. Got. this.
Amélie : I better show you how. Here, let me show you.
Devon : No.
Amélie : (reaching over more to get the remote, practically climbing over Devon to get it) Let me help you!!!
Devon : No.
Amélie : FINE!
Devon : Good.
Amélie (pouting)

Homeopathy conversation

We have started homeopathy for Amélie's rash, which has been deduced to being caused by needless antibiotics at her birth. But this post isn't about my usual ranti-ness against the Vic Hospital ... this is about the conversation I had with Amélie's homeopath.

This happened over skype a while ago.

Dr. O : So ... you didn't go to the hospital to have her?
Me : No.
Dr. O : What made you decide to stay home.
Me : (thinking) I just did.
Dr. O : You don't know why?
Me : I could make something up if you want. I just didn't go. I didn't want to.
Dr. O : (that look doctors give when they hear a response like that) You just didn't want to?
Me : That's right. I didn't want to. I thought about it but ... I couldn't make myself go.
Dr. O : Hm.
Me : (awkward silence) I just didn't go.
Dr. O : And then what happened?
Me : I stayed home.
Dr. O : (laughs) You are very interesting.
Me : (leans forward) You have no idea.
Dr. O : I'm sorry what was that?
Me : You have no idea ...
Dr. O : The picture is cutting in and out ...
Me : I said you have no idea!
Dr. O : I can't ... hear anything, I'll have to turn the video off. Okay now I'm very sorry about this but what was that?
Me : Well ... it's not that funny anymore but I said you have no idea.
Dr. O : About what?

Face palm.

I still like her. She likes me too I think. Not in a creepy sort of way.

I heart you.

I had this post written out all the way home - basically. Once I got home and let go of some of that frustration it seemed to melt away, especially when I began to read about another family's distress.

Today, I came face to face, with a situation I have been in before. A friend who is desperately in need of compassion, love, warmth and all I could offer was ... funny remarks, a nod, agreement - and in this case I brought a coffee (well a mocha).

I've never been good at the situations that involve sharing someone's grief, but I wanted so badly to share her grief just so maybe she would have a little less burden. I didn't know how - plus there was two 2 year olds running around and a couple little dancers just down the hall. I guess now I can reason it was hardly the time nor the place, but still - the guilt that crept into me the moment I pulled out of that parking lot overwhelmed me to a point of crying all the way home.

I cried for her loss.
I cried because this wasn't the first bad thing to happen to her, and it seemed unfair and unrelenting.
I cried because her kindness didn't deserve so much unfairness.
I cried because having little kids is hard, nevermind when you are grieving a loved one.

I cried because I didn't reach out and hug her before I left. This one was the worst. It upset me so much I almost turned around but then realized how silly that was. I should have gone back.

Her kindness and compassion towards others has never faltered, not to my knowledge. I have benefitted from her thoughtfulness and have thought of it all the time. She has a patience that she probably doesn't even realize. She's so great to others and she would have hugged me and wouldn't have cared if there were millions of people staring at us. She's so honest and practical. She would have reached out a great many times over the past two weeks, even if she thought there was lots of people to support.

I didn't know what to say - I never do, but then again that's always been okay. I've usually distanced myself from people enough that ... it's okay. Maybe it's pregnancy and hormones, but maybe it's me realizing that I haven't had a heart in a long, long time. I've put it under lock and key because I hate being hurt and crying and upset. I've always tried to reason things, put a positive spin on it and just shake off the negative. That has made me cold.

Until tonight.

I could hardly see through my tears, and every song reminded me of my guilt. I finally listened to Thneedville and Jake and the Neverland Pirates ... I might have been crying over that too by the time I got home.

I always MEAN well, to anyone who is suffering. I never know what to do or say and don't want to be seen as fake or phony so I do nothing, which ... is probably worse. For two weeks I've been thinking of her and her family and all she's been dealing with and I was getting upset and restless.

Then to top it off, the first thing she asked when I picked up the carrier that held her baby was how I was doing?! Her kindness still hasn't stopped!

All I did was sit there and wish I could help in a much better way. Corey is so good at this kind of stuff. I'm glad he offered to make supper and have them come over and I'm glad I did offer the moose meat, which we will sort out when they come for said supper that Corey will make because I will burn/forget/under spice/suck at it.

My heart hurts and maybe even the soul I forgot I even had. She's always been so patient with my oddities and 'coldness'. I heart her.

I wish I could heart away all the bad things and only make good things.

So wishing I had reached out and given that hug. If you read this J, I SO HUG YOU and heart you.