Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Updating my wardrobe ...

or .... 'not buying old people clothes' or ... 'Gayle being a bossy Bessie and acting all stylish and shit'


Interesting fact : I have no idea what it means to be 'in style'

I am a sale shopper. I see something on sale for 5$ and I'm like a puppy in a puppy food store, and there's lots of other puppies there, and kids and toys and food. It doesn't matter if my grandma would never be caught dead wearing the sweater. I want it!!!! It's only 5$ and that means I can buy TWO!! And it means I can buy that cardigan and that shirt with the inappropriate neckline! BONUS!! I only spent 25$

I consider that a successful shopping trip. My sister does not.

I was convinced to buy only t-shirts.
and a black zip up yoga type jacket, that I wanted for curling (It was over 1/2 off!!!)
I had a gift card and really I didn't have too much choice and Gayle kept nixing my faves or making fun of me. Pretty relentlessly actually. So I caved for the greater good probably.

I will probably drag her ass out again to help me update my wardrobe. Because. Well because I'd like to find better solutions to my problems :

1. My panties are all way too big.
Current solution : Wearing pants that are a little too small.
Problem : I can't actually do up my pants because otherwise I pass out and am unconscious with 2 kids. This is frowned upon.

2. My clothes are out of season, as in the colors are all wrong
Current solution : At least I'm in season for 1 season.
Problem : There are 3 other seasons.

3. Gayle says I own a lot of sweaters, but I actually don't, I just wear the ones I have ALL THE TIME. So I can understand the confusion. They are wearing out.
Current solution : I try not to make the holes bigger by playing with them.
Problem : It's really hard to resist a hole in a sweater.

4. I'm not in style.
Current solution : I try to add my wide belt to make everything look cooler. Or put my jeans into my boots. That's in style too isn't it?
Problem : I have no idea what I'm doing and end up looking like my 2 year old dressed me.

5. I do have a few nice items that Corey bought me before I knew I was pregnant, so eventually I hope to fit them again. Well ... I'm pretty close.
Current Solution : Lose just a few more lbs.
Problem : People might notice I wear the same thing over and over again and Gayle says it's definitely not in style to put Babylegs on to spice things up.

6. I own winter boots, rubber boots, brown boots, running shoes and out of style high heels.
Current Solution : Amelie plays with them
Problem : Going to work barefoot is frowned upon, and I'm not sure how stylish it is to wear winter boots in the spring ...

With all these problems, I can hardly be seen in public. It's chancy enough as it is when I'm dressed appropriately, but to be NOT stylish and crazy at the same time. 0_o.

Me : I'm totally normal. Nothing weird here.
Them : look at that totally stylish girl. Let's talk to her.
Me : I'm stylish!
Them : You are the stylish-est person we know!
Me : Did you know that physiological studies have shown that there is a transfer from the placenta of about 80 ml of blood at 1 minute after birth, reaching about 100 ml at 3 minutes after birth. These additional volumes of blood can supply extra iron amounting to 40–50 mg/kg of body weight. When this extra iron is added to the approximately 75 mg/kg of body iron that a full-term newborn is born with, the total amount of iron can reach 115–125 mg/kg of body weight, which may help prevent iron deficiency during the first year of life.

(Awkward silence)

ME : According to World Health Organization. On the other hand, there is also evidence to suggest that delayed umbilical cord clamping and cutting may put newborns at a higher risk of polycythemia, hyperbilirubinemia, and other neonatal disorders. But I take this less as a fact because it says right in the article that there is 'evidence' but it hasn't been studied or proven.

(more awkward silence)

Them : We have a baby ...
Me : We should have a play date!!! We have so much in common!!

(exchanging concerned looks)

Me : I bought these in a stylish store.
Them : They are SO stylish. You are cool. You must be normal. Let's have a play date!!

Do you see now why it's important for me to update my wardrobe?

Despite the sadness of not getting any of the wonderfully on sale grandma sweaters ...  I bought Christmas pyjamas for 5.94$ at Superstore so I felt better. I also got Amelie a superawesome black dress for next year (7,00$), that she promptly put on between my first load of groceries and my 2nd one and declared it a 'pewfect fit'.

Interesting fact : Gayle wouldn't let me buy ANYTHING cool for Avery. pfffffff.


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