30 days of truth ~ Day 15 - Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.

Hmmmm. Well ... probably not a someone because I haven't 'not' lived with them. AS in they haven't left me.

My blog. I can't live without it. Okay I could physically live without it, but I would be sad. Well. I suppose I could cope and type in Microsoft Word or something. Forget handwriting, holy crap that would take too long. So old school.

I really enjoy my blog. You know what. Stop the press. I know. I know exactly what I can't live without!!!

My piano. Cry. I. miss. my. piano.

It's at mom's house. I miss my piano like I would miss oxygen. I REALLY miss it. I am living without it. I've been miserable without it. I used to play a lot. And now, when I go to the farm, I get to dabble here and there, nothing exciting and I'm rusty. Maybe that's why I like to type so much. My fingers like dancing across the keyboard? Sigh. MAJOR sigh. I miss it so much.

When we build our new house, mom said I can have it. Technically it's not my piano, it's her piano, but let's be honest, I will play it more than she does. I'm just a few years ... 5 years at most hopefully.

I really miss it. Alright I COULD live without it, but look how cranky it makes me!!!

30 days of truth - Day 06 ~ Something you hope you never have to do

Bury my kids.

That's it. Nobody wishes that. Ever. Nobody hopes to bury their kid. Nobody ever wishes to give birth to a dead baby. Or find their toddler face down in a pool. Or any other horrific/tragic/sad story you can think of.

Sometimes, to remind myself that other peoples opinion on how I raise my child doesn't matter (because it's easy to get distracted in this world, I go to sites like 'Now I lay me down to sleep'. and I read the stories. And I cry. And I mourn the babies that were born asleep, or had horrible diseases or never got the chance to grow up. I go to some of my favorite blogs and read the journey that some people endure. The pain. The hurt. The confusion. And then I appreciate my children even more. I remind myself that snuggles in bed are not going to ruin their lives. That running around the house wearing whatever they want isn't going to ruin them either.

I think of baby Abby, who lived only a handful of hours.

I think of baby Ashlynd and of baby Matthew, who never got to breathe at all

I think of all the other little ones that didn't get to grow up and I hope I never have to bury one of my own. This is one thing that I'm sure we ALL have in common.

To confirm that I am indeed a strange, strange human

Last night, I made a startling discovery. As I was browsing books to download to my eReader without my husband's permission, I found out that my favorite character ... died. I almost cried. I definitely teared up. And I was furious!!! And broken-hearted.

I'll back up. I like LOVE Star Trek. Especially TNG, but also Voyager. When I got my eReader I was pleasantly THRILLED to discover that the book I'd chosen focused on the relationship between Captain Picard and Doctor Crusher. YES! Every fanfiction addict's dream! I read every page. I'm a fast reader and a 'skimmer' at best, but this book had my attention from the beginning. (Very, very hard to do) Then I was desperate to find the next and the next ... then I stumbled onto one where the prologue spoke of a pregnancy and I had to back up. I was happy but needed to take my time read each book. I promised I'd come back to it because I thoroughly enjoy Captain Janeway as well. er ... Admiral Janeway that is now.

Last night, I decided to skip a book because it focused more on 7 of 9 from Voyager and I liked her less, so then I got the next one. Only to discover in the next few lines that Admiral Kathryn Janeway had died! (sob, sob) I was stunned!! Confused!

So today I mourn the loss of a dear imaginary friend. RIP Admiral Janeway. I don't know if I can read that book now. I will. I enjoy torturing myself, and I need answers damn it! It'll be my figurative autopsy.

But seriously. I may have cried if I had been any more tired. For sure.

Shut your face and stop laughing at me. OR I will kick your vampire's love story into the ground! ;)