30 days of truth - Day 04 ~ Something you have to forgive someone for

This is a big one. Hands down, my hospital experience after A was born. There's a lot of people involved in this and I'm chipping away at forgiving those near and dear to me first. It helps at how much more educated they have become, how much more aware they are of what they say to me. Most importantly, that they inform themselves and ask questions before commenting, offering suggestions and even defending me. The next step will be the actual staff at the hospital.

There is a chance in the near future that I will be standing toe to toe with Dr. D (formerly Dr. Caca). My sister's physician's back up (on call) doctor ... is dr. D. If she's not given birth by February, she will possibly fall into his 'hands'. The other physician I'm unfamiliar with (She couldn't remember his name). I may have the opportunity to speak to him directly, but the thought terrifies me. I am appalled at myself really, but his mannerism is intimidating (hence he was able to overpower me in the first place). I keep telling myself that I am not in the same frame of mind as I was when I first met him and I've asked baby Avery to come either on time or early.

In my heart, I know that he is not going out of his way to hurt women, (except perhaps in my case because there really was no reason to check inside of me like he did). Maybe he's extremely misled? Perhaps, given the opportunity, to interact as a support person instead of a 'patient' my opinion will change. I do find healing when I talk to others who've had similar experiences.

I have to admit, going to the hospital as a support person for my sister will do 1 of 2 things. Abate the anger that runs through my veins ... or exacerbate it.


I need to forgive people for what happened postpartum Amelie's birth. This is a long journey that I take step by step, day by day.

After Amelie was born ....

I like to torture myself occasionally and converse with people about their birth stories. Or I'll phone one of my sisters and ask them to tell me a story of a friend of theirs. Both my sisters and my husband are more than aware of my feelings for Dr. Caca. (Seriously. A perfect. Description) Now, my family members usually ask them who their doctor was and if, by chance, they had Dr. Caca, they immediately relate my story. 99% of the time they hear this response "Oh he was good to us!"

Of COURSE he was!!! He had you 'tied to the bed' with induction juices in your veins, an 'ice cube' in your back, an OR at the ready (just in case) and rubber gloves. PLUS he wasn't late for a dinner probably because DUH ... he induced you when it was convenient. Luckily for these 'patients' my family members don't say THAT, only I do. Which is why nobody calls to talk to me. Dr. Caca gets around.